Senior Moment Jokes

Just a few funny senior moment jokes I overheard:

Joke #1: Memory Loss

When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old lady sitting on a park bench sobbing her eyes out. I stopped and asked her what was wrong. She said, ‘I have a 22 year old husband at home. He makes love to me every morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and freshly ground coffee.’
I said, ‘Well, then why are you crying?’ She said, ‘He makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favorite brownies and then makes love to me for half the afternoon.

I said, ‘Well, why are you crying?’ She said, ‘For dinner he makes me a gourmet meal with wine and my favorite dessert and then makes love to me until 2:00 a.m.’ I said, ‘Well, why in the world would you be crying?’ She said, ‘I can’t remember where I live!’

Joke #2 More Memory Loss

Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.

One day they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, ‘Now don’t get mad at me….I know we’ve been friends for a long time…..but I just can’t think of your name! I’ve thought and thought, but I can’t remember it. Please tell me what your name is.’ Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her. Finally she said, ‘How soon do you need to know?’

Joke #3: Still More Memory Loss

Two elderly women were eating breakfast in a restaurant one morning. Ethel noticed something funny about Mabel’s ear and she said, ”Mabel, do you know you’ve got a suppository in your left ear?’ Mabel answered, ‘I have a suppository in my ear?’ She pulled it out and stared at it. Then she said, ‘Ethel, I’m glad you saw this thing. Now I think I know where to find my hearing aid.

And a great use of Memory Loss…….

THE SENILITY PRAYER
Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway,
The good fortune to run into the ones I do,
And the eyesight to tell the difference .

Hotel Sex

Just the name “Hotel Sex” conjures up great fantasies and memories! My late husband always teased that I got horny just by turning the key in the lock (back before they had little plastic cards). Somehow being away from the familiarity of home can lead to expectations of a more exciting sexual experience. Vacations are how we renew ourselves, relieve the stresses of everyday life and indulge in elicit pleasures, and that is a good thing!

Maybe it’s the honeymoon thing! Expectations of blissful sex on your wedding night has been a dominate theme throughout the history of mankind and is celebrated in many different ways in almost all cultures. Even as a young girl I swooned at the thought of my future husband carrying me over the threshold in my white wedding gown and making mad passionate love to me just like in the movies of the 1950′s! (And then we would live happily ever after….NOT!)

But sometimes the opposite may occur. I once had a long-time lover who dreaded traveling and it was always a bone of contention between us. The few times I did manage to drag him on a trip, the sex was mediocre or non-existent. His experiences had been different, his prior associations with hotel sex were not pleasant and he was never able to overcome that. I always felt sad that we were not able to connect in that way, he would tease me about it and promise the moon but it never really happened for us.

Hotel advertisements allude to the fact of romance and sexual adventure and I bet a hotel chamber maid could tell a lot of stories about the secrets of hotel sex. I am sure we all have some of our own memories to explore. One of my favorite memories is staying in a historic old hotel in a mining town in Northern Nevada. It actually is not open to the public except on rare occasions, but we were able to make special arrangements for one night. There are only 6 actual hotel rooms and we were the only guests. We ran around the halls naked and frolicked in the music room, oh what a night to recall!

If you have a similiar hotel sex experience you would like to share, please feel free to do so in the comments, you are welcome to do so anonymously.

admin @ dategranny

Never Act Your Age Again

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